THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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