About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
