the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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