Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
