I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize