Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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