Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
