I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
