I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
