I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
