I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
