I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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