wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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