As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
