Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize