I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
