currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
