did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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