I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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