Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize