the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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