Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
