don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
