I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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