so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
