another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
