Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
