THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
