You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
