I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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