trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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