You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
