So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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