what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he shaved USA in his pubs
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
