we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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