Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
