Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
