just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
