the condom got lost in my hair
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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