I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PANTIES FOUND
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