im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
