i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
