I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk is a universal language darling
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
