Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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