I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
