I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have feelings that need drinking.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
