The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
