Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this hospital has no fireball
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
