I'm jealous of your bromance
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
