Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm passing your future prison.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
