so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
