i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
