life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
