I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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