I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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