I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
