Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize