Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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