i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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