Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
