Jerry, you need to find god
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize