i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
