omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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