Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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