WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
