Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
