'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
