Porn is love you can see.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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