If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
