I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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