ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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