I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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