I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
