I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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