So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
