Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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