Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
