There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
