I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
