at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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